Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe Marjorie Wolfe
Welcome
by Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
SCENTS OF HUMOR

The Yiddish word for “perfume” is “parfum” and the Yiddish word meaning “smell”/“scent” is “reyakh.”

John-John Williams IV (“The Baltimore Sun”) writes that “Smell is the latest way that businesses are attempting to woo customers.” That makes scents!

ScentAir Technologies, Inc. specializes in devices that deliver scents in businesses and their clients includes Ashley Furniture, Jimmy Choo, Bloomingdale’s, Lexus, Hugo Boss and some major hotel chains.

New smells are still being discovered. In a poll, males were asked,“What is your favorite scent on a woman?” #2 was “The Scent DOUGHNUT BLACK LICORICE.” This sweet combination increased arousal in more than 30 percent of men studied by the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation. We don’t blame them: we have a complicated relationship with Krispy Kreme too. Source: Diana Vilibert “5 Fragrances That Make Men Drool” 6/28/10, Ask Your Tango

Oscar-nominee, Charlize Theron is set to raise temperatures in a provocative new TV ad for Dior’s “Adore” perfume—by ripping off her “klayder”(clothing).

Celebrity Tim McGraw has a line of fragrances, including McGraw Silver. The new perfume, “Peace,” was introduced at a series of lunches in the Delegates’ Dining Room of the United Nations. It was inspired by Sept. 11, 2001.

“Vertigo”
was launched at Nordstrom, and Karen Dobin suggests that when the temperature in New York reached freezing, we need a perfume with the word winter (“hiver” in French) in the title.

“Di noz” (the nose)
is a remarkably sensitive instrument, although you may not pay much attention to the copious information it delivers.

Are there specific perfumes for librarians, elementary school teachers and Jewish Tiger Moms? Let’s see.

“kinder-garten” teachers
Jiblog (5/7/2006) reported the new perfume craze for lecherous teachers. Yes, coming to a school teacher near you: Play-Doh perfume. Call it “Eau de Doh.”

Play-Doh perfume is hitting store shelves as part of the venerable toy’s 50th anniverary celebrations, Hasbro announced yesterday.

In the announcement, Hasbro said the perfume would likely appeal to “highly creative people who seek a whimsical scent reminiscent of their childhood.” (I’m buying it for my daughter-in-law, Teri, who teaches kindergarten in Mineola, New York.)

Balaboosta (perfect housewife in Yiddish)
Perfume: “Clean Ultimate” (clean). Turin and Sanchez wrote, “..I feel pretty sure the top note is Dawn, the drydown Downy. It generates a sense memory of warm suds up to my elbows and resentment against my mother. Can be used to fool dates into thinking you’re domestically inclined.” Source: “Perfumes - The Guide” by Luca Turin and Tania Sanchez

“kishen kvetsher” (cushion squeezer)
[a suitor of overlong standing. A male who spends too much time sitting in the parlor (front room) insteqd of taking the girl out.] His perfume: “Romance Men” (Ralph Lauren). Luca Turin wrote, “About time somebody gave women that order, which reminds me of Peter Cook wondering if ‘Gentlemen, lift the seat’ was an invitation to upper-class larceny. The fragrance is so unmemorable that the only appropriate review is ‘It has a smell.’”

A second possibility for the “kishen kvetsher” would be “Stetson Untamed” (Stetson).
Tania Sanchez describes the perfume as cozy. “...easy to imagine on the big, harmless guys that women call ‘teddy bears.’”

“Bibliotek”
In Yiddish, a “bibliotek” is a library. What’s the perfect perfume for bibliophiles? “In the Library.” It has been described as a warm blend of English Novel, Russian and Moroccan leather bindings, worn cloth and a hint of polish to get the unmistakable whiff of paper, dust, and glue.

“minyon shleppers”
Those charged with the duty of dragging (shlepping) a quorum of 10 ritually adult males into the synagogue so that the morning service can begin. Their perfume: “Eau de Minyon.”

“fressers”
A “fresser” or “freser” is a big eater. Harry Golden wrote, “Ess Ess Mein Kind” (which means literally, Eat, eat, my child.” Along the Lower East Side of New York this expression was a rallying cry for survival. The perfect perfume “Eau de Ess Ess.” After applying a generous spray, be sure to announce to a family member: “Ess. Ess. Look how thin you look!”

“farkoyfer” (salesman) “Eau de Grey Flannel (Geoffrey Beene), of course!

Jewish Tiger Moms [think “Mommy Dearest” and “Helicopter Parent”]
Is the Tiger Mom a ruse designed to make the “Western Parents” feel better about themselves? Joyce Antler wrote (The Jewish Week), “In many ways, the stereotypical Jewish mother is ‘outwardly very similar’ to the Chinese mother in that she is ‘the original helicopter parent,’ imposing high expectations of academic achievement.” Her perfume: “Eau de uberstrict.”

Celebrity watchers [For those people who read Us Weekly and Star Magazine]
Jennifer Aniston’s signature scent is “Lola V.” Some people have suggested the names, “Pittiful Pleasures” and “J’Alone.”

[For men who workout at LA Fitness, Gold’s Gym or Equinox]
Rabbi Aharone Zev of the Lebanese Shul in Flatbush (B’klyn), said, “If you don’t exercise, it’s a mistake.” “Higher Energy” (Dior) “Higher Energy” is a fresh, masculine scent of crisp Jupiter and grapefruit, peppered with spices such as nutmeg, black pepper, and incense, soothed with clear musk and Sandalwood.

“Royt Hut” Ladies (Red Hat Ladies)
The Red Hat Society proves that there can be fun after “fuftsik” (50).
The “perfekt” perfume:
“Red Delicious Women” (Donna Karan)
“Red Door” (Elizabeth Arden)
“Red Roses Cologne” (Jo Malone)

“gevaltize” In certain precincts of the Jewish community, a person who insists that the sky is falling, despite ample evidence to the contrary, is said to “gevaltize”—a neologism derived from the famous Yiddish of shock or alarm. The perfect perfume: “Eau de Oy, Oy, Oy.”

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Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is waiting for Shalimar to offer a “keyf ayn eyner, baklogt fray eyner.” (Buy one, get one free).

Marjorie Wolfe
  Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe