Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe Marjorie Wolfe
Welcome
by Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
“NOO YAWK” CITY: HOME OF THE 275 - 400-SQUARE-FOOT APARTMENT

Note: The Yiddish word for house is “hoys” or “shtub.” The Yiddish word for apartment is “dire.”

New York is a unique “shtot” (city)!

  • New Yorkers drink the most iced coffee in the entire country, according to StudyLogic.
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  • Jews attend a lecture titled, “Jews and Booze: Becoming American in the Age of Prohibition.”
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  • New York is home to a Jewish Clinton—Chelsea (AKA “Mrs. Marc Mezvinsky).
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  • Jews visit the Second Avenue Deli and consume the “Instant Heart Attack” sandwich, made of sliced pastrami and fried potato latkes. (Cost; $24.95; 804 calories)
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  • Jews listen to the advice of Dr. Ruth {Westheimer], who recently appeared at the Museum of Jewish Heritage: “A little wine (“vayn”) can help you relax. But too much can ruin your performance.”
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  • Jews nosh at the Mile End Deli in Brooklyn. New York Magazine says, “You know this ain’t your bubbe’s sandwich shop.”
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  • New Yorkers speak English, French, Spanish, Yiddish, and “Colbertian”—the lingo of Stephen Colbert. Colbert has brought us new words like “truthiness,” “Lincolnish,” “shunoe” (for acorn), and"glolay” (for apple).
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  • There are about 1.8 “milyon” one-person or two-person households in the city, but only one “milyon” studios and one- bedroom apartments. The Mayor said that the mismatch reflects how the city’s housing has failed to keep up with the shift in its demographics in recent decades.
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  • Jewish lonelyhearts seek a mate by composing some hilarious ads:
  • Orthodox woman with get, seeks man who got get, or can get get. Get it? I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours.

    Jewish male, 34, very successful, smart, independent, self-made. Looking for girl whose father will hire me.

      46.3% of NYC households consist of one person, according to the 2010 census.

      New York is home to many outstanding
      rabbis. Think: Rabbi Marc Gelman, of The God Squad.

    One Friday “nakht” a Rabbi was giving his usual sermon. At the end of the speech, he told “di kehile”(the congregation):

    “Before we continue, I would like to inform you that our shul has decided to collect goods for the most needy people in our area. It’s for a ‘gut’ cause and we need your help. Please bring us this ‘zuntik” (Sunday) anything you have lying around your house that you can spare or have no great need for. For example, I’m sure that you can all think of something that you have excess of.”

    And then a voice came from an “alt” (old) lady. She told her neighbor, who was seated next to her, “Yes, tsuris.”

    And, now, in early July, Mayor Bloomberg, has announced a city-sponsored competition to design an “dire” (apartment)
    building full of “micro-units” with 275 to 300 square feet of living space. Each apartment would include a “kikh” (kitchen)/
    kitchenette, a “vashtsimer” (bathroom) but no “shafe” (closet)

    The apartment is no bigger than a dorm room. One sitcom shows New Yorkers, who are desperate for storage space, turning their ovens (“ovyns”) into storage for clothing and other items.

    City officials hope the building will become a prototype for a new model of tiny (“kleyntshik”), affordable housing.

    Mr. Bloomberg said, “Young people from around the country or around the world—those are our future, and they don’t have
    lots of money.” He stood in front of a life-size mock-up of a shoebox-shaped studio, complete with pullout “bet” (bed),
    toilet, bowl of fruit and umbrella (“shirem”) stand, all made of paper.

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    Marjorie Wolfe cannot visualize herself living in a 400-square-foot apartment.
    Where would she like to live? In Jerry Seinfeld’s 3,900-square-foot duplex on the 19th and 20th floors of the exclusive
    Beresford. It has a “bibliotek” (library), maid’s quarters, and a wood-burning “kamin” (fireplace). It previously belonged
    to violinist Isaac Stern. According to People Magazine, he plans to put the front door from his Seinfeld apartment in the
    living room. (Source: Jerry Seinfeld - The Entire Domain” by Kathleen Tracy)

    Yes, “Tsum guten vert men bald gevoint.” (It doesn’t take long to get used to good things.)

    Marjorie Wolfe
      Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe